Reflecting in NYC

I'm in New York, on my last day here.  Bjorn had to  go to work today, so rather than trying to round up anyone that I don't know/barely know or try to make something happen, I thought it would be a perfect time to reflect and read.  So far, I haven't gotten out of bed yet.

Thinking about this trip made me think about all the trips I have taken in the last 5 or so years--trips have several different functions.  Although this one was not chock-full of parties, bars (not a bad thing) and craziness, it made me realize a lot of things (plus, I got a lot of sleep).   Trips, oddly enough, seem to come at the beginning or ending of big events in my life.  Nepal was at a pertinent point in me and Cole's relationship, Europe was the first real break we had in years and the San Fran trips over the summer were connected to graduation, moving on and testing the waters with a few, new fellows and realizing that I was really, really falling for one.  I think that this trip, in particular, is a major necessity in order to be removed from everything that is changing (career, boyfriend, friends) and be thrown into new territory without my comfort-things.  No ferrets, no familiar bed, no nothing.  I am here with my bag and a million loose ideas rattling around in my head.  Now to piece them altogether is the trick.

And who knows when this will begin to happen?  Maybe on a napkin in the airport, my notebook on the plane, the back of a receipt in Portland?  All I know is that I want change, yet I lean toward stagnancy.  I want comfort, but I'm always going out of my way to be uncomfortable.   I want to be cared for, but I can't let go of my independence.   I want love, but I am unable to say the words.  I get tired of doing things for other people, but I can't fathom letting go of control.

I think one of the biggest reasons why I feel this way is that I grew up too fast--graduated college too early, fell for love too early, moved away too early, started my career too early...but I think back to when I was younger, and all I could do was think about being at this point in my life.  Now, I think back to those simpler times and I wonder why I ever wanted to get here so quick?  Why didn't I think about my life when I was living it?  It's like, when you gain something new, you have to let some of your old things die.  There's so much new and I think I'm scared to find out what has died.  

New York, New York and Malice, Malice!

New York on Friday! New York on Friday!
I have so much to do before then.
NaNoWriMo meeting today--I really need to get on this!!
My good friend, Alice, is coming to speak to my Women's Forum class about recovering from Heroin almost a decade ago. --->

We watched the HBO documentary (Black Tar Heroin: The Dark End of the Street) she was in last week and it really got to a lot of people--the best part was that they were having connections to their own lives and had excellent questions to ask her.
I hung out with her yesterday and she seemed really excited--she was telling the other girls at her work that she was going to give advice to the "youth of America."

Anyway,
I have a ton of stuff to be doing and am totally procrastinating by sitting here and writing.

New York sooo soon!!

Week From Hell, Last Words?, Halloween

This last week was crazy busy. I worked around 50 hours in 4 days. I will, however, get paid extra for it and get some grad school credits out of the way so that I don't have to scramble before I renew my license in a few years.

I had to attend 2 7-hour sessions of a "Proficiency-Based" Credit seminar. It was somewhat redundant and is basically what I do anyway, but I think it's great that Portland Public School District is adopting it and paying us to learn about it. It also means that I have my work cut out for me in the next few weeks.

I had a few back and forth emails with Cole in the last week--a lot of which resulted in a mutual enigma in which we both have no idea when or if we should talk again. But, it was too much to think about in the midst of my crazy week.

Halloween came and went and I couldn't keep my mind off of how unlike Halloween it felt like. It was officially, my first Halloween that did not really feel like Halloween, but I guess that is what it is to grow up. I tried my hardest to try and find something clever, but I did not feel like buying a large pleather naughty-nun outfit, which was just about the last thing at the Halloween store. What was I thinking shopping on the day of!?? They were already busy installing Christmas decorations (seriously??) . So, I called Jamey and he luckily had a readily-available Russian military outfit for me, with matching gun, and the coolest hat that is difficult to part with!

Scott went off to work as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and promptly became a human-sized sponge in the rain.
When he got home, we went to the Aveda Institute to get our facials (yes, facials...I wanted to treat him to a nice spa day after a long week and after a pretty good paycheck I got earlier that day). It was kind of weird. Scott decided on Mad Max as his 2nd costume change of the day. So, net shirt, leather jacket, tight pants and big boots were in order and possibly not the best choice for going to have your face massaged and shit. But, it was relaxing and he enjoyed himself. We stood in the mirror for like an hour, examining our pores and talking about toner and exfoliation. Weird, I know. But somehow, we enjoy it and can't get enough of each other.

Oh! And I got to see Bloodhag last night! It was awesome! They play songs about books and authors (namely science fiction) and throw out free sci-fi books to the audience, and praise those who have their library cards on them! They were totally awesome. I got to dork out a bit with the singer afterwards--however, he did NOT guess who the author is on the inside of my arm. He didn't even want to try. Darn it. I did get to gush that I'm a high school English teacher that feels very strongly about incorporating the things that you love--such as books/authors and metal. He did sign the book that I caught from him.

I am off to Mike Thrash's house for a vegan family dinner and then Jamey is so graciously conducting an "Uninformed Voters' Party" where he will explain, in simple English, the ballot measures to Scott, Jenn and me. I need to get that ballot off ASAP.

My school is doing a cute, fake election on Tuesday night; we voted last week and we're going to see how close our school was from the national elections. We're going to pop a squat in front of the TV and eat some pizza too. I'm pretty excited.